Saturday, October 24, 2015

Disney Villain Rater – Lady Tremaine

Hello, readers!  Once again, real life has struck me hard, and combined with laziness and procrastination, I've been forced to postpone the second post I keep promising myself I'll make each month.  Good news, though: I've come into a good deal of money, and I have a fairly good chance at getting a new, better laptop.

I've also made the decision to participate in the National Novel Writing Month challenge, or NaNoWriMo for all you Twitter fiends.  Starting on November 1st and ending on the 30th, I have to start on a novel and write 50,000 words before the end date.  This means I'll have to write about 1,600 words a day to make it work.  Hopefully, this will help break my procrastination streak and get my next novel underway.

For now, though, enjoy another Disney Villain Rater article!





Disney Villain Rater – Lady Tremaine


Welcome back to the Disney Villain Rater, where Disney's most wanted are on full, sinister display!  This week's article takes us to a simpler, more classic time in Disney history, and will profile a woman who helped start and continue the tradition of great female Disney villains: the wicked stepmother, Lady Tremaine.  Debuting in Cinderella in 1950, Tremaine is in the same vein as the stepmother of another Disney princess (see the Evil Queen's article from January).

Like before, I'll be rating the following traits on a scale of one to ten: design, personality, goals, ambition, abilities, henchmen, defeat, and voice.  This article will see a return to Disney’s fairy tale roots, both in setting and in the antagonist.  The Wicked Stepmother has been an archetype of villain revisited in hundreds of films and television shows the world over, and it was her rendition in Disney’s Cinderella that may very well have set the precedent.  Cold, calculating, bitter and ruthless, Lady Tremaine is one of Disney’s most despicable villains.  So, without further ado, let’s see just how despicable the Disney Villain Rater says she is:

(LADY TREMAINE) (Cinderella)

DESIGN –
In design, Lady Tremaine mostly belies her ill intentions.  She dresses elegantly and carries herself as such, and rarely has a display of overt emotion.  However, the evil in her is easily seen in her aged face, most notably her eyes.  Those cold, disturbing eyes that are a centerpiece of her calculating nature—you know something terrible is going to happen when those eyes are highlighted or focused on.  Combined with her arrogant, superior face whenever things go as planned, Cinderella’s stepmother is both hated and feared throughout the film.

DESIGN: 7


PERSONALITY –
Going easily with her ruthlessness, her personality makes her a detestable villain.  Remaining calm and smug while giving orders, or even breaking up a fight between her biological daughters, she maintains dignity and serenity throughout.  Even in her rare displays of temper, she doesn’t lose control entirely, and she recovers quickly.  On the other side, when everything is going her way, she exudes a vexing sense of triumph, as if she’s won everything long before the game is even over.  Mix it all together, and it makes a villain that is very easy to love to hate.

PERSONALITY: 8


GOALS –
This movie appears to be stuck in the era of Disney villains with petty, juvenile goals.  In the storybook-style introduction to the film, we are given a brief look at Cinderella’s life before her father died.  When he remarried, things seemed well enough, but after his passing, the stepmother shows her true colors.  It even states outright that she is “bitterly jealous” of Cinderella and is “determined to further the interests” of her biological daughters.  In fact, it could even be subtly (extremely subtly) implied that Tremaine killed her husband just to put herself in this position of power over Cinderella’s life.  In the film itself, Tremaine goes to extra lengths to crush Cinderella’s spirit and good cheer by making her work herself senseless, crushing her chances of going to the ball, and keeping her locked in a room while the palace searches for the prince’s love.  Why?  Just for free labor?  To take out her jealousy on her stepdaughter?  And why is she jealous?  Because Cinderella is prettier and more charming than herself or her own two kids?  Any way you spin it, it seems ridiculously immature, and if she had killed the father of her stepdaughter, it would be even more so.  Not impressed here.

GOALS: 4


AMBITION –
Let’s get the timeline clear, here: Cinderella’s real mother died.  Dad remarries a woman with her own two kids.  Dad dies.  Stepmother is a bitch.  Stepsisters are equally so.  Cinderella is punished for something she had no control over by basically cleaning and fixing everything under the roof.  When the ball is being held, stepmother gives her extra work so she can’t make her dress.  When she makes her dress, stepmother manipulates bitchy stepsisters into tearing it apart.  And when the Grand Duke visits to compare the lost slipper to the feet of the maidens of the house, stepmother locks stepdaughter in the bathroom until he leaves, just so she isn’t discovered.  As much as her goals reflect her “mean girls” attitude towards her stepdaughter, Lady Tremaine truly exemplifies the “psycho stepmom from Hell” trope.  Her manipulation of events and actions all go toward keeping Cinderella down, and not even so much moving her own stepdaughters up.  Her ambition is more impressive than the goal itself, but not by a lot.

AMBITION: 6


ABILITIES –
As stated, Lady Tremaine is a master manipulator.  When her daughters get out of line, two or three calming words is all it takes to reduce them from raging she-demons to calm and serene ladies (and I use the term “ladies” as loosely as I’m allowed).  Her emotional and psychological abuse of Cinderella has obviously broken her willpower and need for identity and purpose, otherwise, the poor girl wouldn’t be wasting her time dreaming for a prince to come and take her away from this nightmare instead of running away or calling the authorities.  Lady Tremaine can also make sure events go exactly as she planned; when the royal ball is announced, she wants Cinderella to stay as far away from it as possible, and makes sure she does—by piling extra chores on her so that she has no time to prepare an outfit for the event.  When Cinderella does end up being ready for the ball, she is easily capable of inciting jealous and indignant anger in her daughters by pointing out that the beads chosen for the ensemble belong to them.  Her daughters fly into a rage and tear their stepsister’s outfit off of her piece by piece, and Lady Tremaine does absolutely nothing until they are finished and Cinderella is right back in rags.  Even her last bid to keep Cinderella at the bottom of the ladder, while not well thought-out, was particularly dastardly when she ended it by indirectly breaking the only piece of evidence available in the young girl’s favor: the forgotten glass slipper.  She seems to look down on people either as tools or targets, even her own flesh and blood, and has no remorse, or even takes sadistic pleasure, in seeing her stepdaughter in pain.  These are all impressive skills that are sadly wasted on a goal relegated to the high school cheerleading captain.

ABILITIES: 8


HENCHMEN –
While not the type of villain to rely on henchmen, the closest things Lady Tremaine has to them come in the form of three beings: the first two, Anastasia and Drizella, her own daughters.  They don’t report to her or (consciously) carry out tasks at her request, but she does use them to accomplish her own ends.  What few skills we see them perform, however, they are horribly inept at; whoever decided that they could sing and play the flute should probably have an ear examination.  Dressmaking seems to be beyond their forte, as well; their outfits for the royal ball are a large step away from elegant and toward comical.  Drizella appears to be the alpha between the two, always displaying a temper and an indignant anger whenever her needs aren’t met.  Of the two entitled women, Anastasia seems to have it the worst; her whining serves as a less aggressive counterpoint to her sister.  Both share their mother’s resentment toward Cinderella, and take much more obvious pleasure in seeing their stepsister suffer.  Tremaine’s third facsimile of a henchman comes in the form of her cat, the aptly-named “Lucifer”.  Again, while not directly reporting to his owner, he does strive to accomplish what would surely be in her favor; in this case, it would be attempting to exterminate Cinderella’s mouse friends.  Sadly, in this, Lucifer is also hilariously inept; he serves as little more than an obstacle for the little rodents to overcome.  Overall, nothing impressive in the way of the help.

HENCHMEN: 3


DEFEAT –
Lady Tremaine’s implied defeat is probably one of the greatest on-screen villain defeats in Disney history, and is surely the greatest of all that don’t involve death.  Tremaine’s last-ditch effort to keep Cinderella away from her prince fails when Jaq and Gus (the mice) successfully free her from the locked upstairs room.  Just as the Grand Duke is about to compare foot to slipper, however, a well-place cane from Lady Tremaine trips the footman working for the Duke, sending the slipper crashing to the floor.  Contempt for the villainess doesn’t get much worse at that point, but relief and triumph come in equal measure when Cinderella produces the slipper’s twin—and elicits a horrified look on her stepmother’s face.  The satisfaction in that scene is palpable; that last look of appalled defeat is all one needs to know that she has lost, indefinitely. 

DEFEAT: 8


VOICE –
Cinderella’s wicked stepmother is brought to life by the chilling vocals of legendary character actress Eleanor Audley.  Originally a radio actress, Audley achieved fame for her portrayal of snooty, high-society female characters.  Her voice was not the only aspect of Lady Tremaine’s character that made it work wondrously; Disney animators even patterned the character to resemble her.  Tremaine’s deadly grace and poise in the film are a product of the real world.  Audley’s role as the wicked stepmother would be so successful that she would work for Disney again nine years later, as another villain: the sorceress Maleficent in 1959’s Sleeping Beauty.  Audley was also known for her role in the classic TV series “Green Acres”.  Eleanor Audley died in 1991 at the age of 86, but it is safe to say that she has left behind a legacy worthy of the highest respect.  Many Disney villains follow in the footsteps of Tremaine and Maleficent, and by extension, their voice actors follow in the footsteps of Eleanor Audley.

VOICE: 8


Unlike the previous films I have written about, Cinderella had not just one sequel, but two.  Cinderella II: Dreams Come True was released directly to video in 2002, with the third of the trilogy, Cinderella III: A Twist in Time being released in the same way five years after.  Both movies show a return of Lady Tremaine and her stepdaughters, and the stepmother herself is just as wicked as ever in both.  In the first sequel, she attempts to control the decisions of her daughter Anastasia when the latter falls for a commoner, proving that she is still a control freak, and that she is also desperate to regulate someone’s life after Cinderella’s ascent to royalty.  The second sequel shows the Tremaines in control of the Fairy Godmother’s magic wand, and using it to manipulate time in their favor and displacing Cinderella from her fairy tale ending.  The third movie makes Lady Tremaine seem even more monstrously ambitious than in the first two films combined.  She went so far as to use stolen magic to manipulate the time stream just to get what she wanted—to destroy Cinderella’s happily ever after.  In fairness, this earns Lady Tremaine an extra 3 points for each film; while not the strongest of entries in Disney continuity (Cinderella II was especially panned by critics), and while she did lose a subsidiary when her own daughter Anastasia found redemption, her own character remains a strong and formidable opponent.

RETURN FOR A SEQUEL: 6


For the final scores, we will incorporate the extra points from the sequels into the average.  The scores are as follows:


COMBINED SCORE: 58

FINAL SCORE: 7.25


All in all, a respectable score.  Lady Tremaine outdoes even the Evil Queen in villainy (making me wonder whether the classic schoolyard argument of “My Parent Can Beat Up Your Parent” holds true for Disney princesses and their wicked stepmothers).  While not quite as malevolent as the Headless Horseman, Lady Tremaine proves to be the greatest mortal villain in my Villain Rater series thus far.  While her grudge against Cinderella is juvenile and nearly unfounded, and she seems to have difficulty finding good help these days, her cool, calculative nature and skill in manipulation and duplicity do not in the least go unnoticed.  Her smug air of victory makes her particularly loathsome, and her actions to keep (or return) her abused stepdaughter in line are, if possible, even more so.  After an entire film of watching and feeling for Cinderella through her pain and misery, it’s easy to agree that Lady Tremaine is an icon in detestable Disney villainy—and that the look of shocked defeat on her face, the last we see of her in the first film, was totally worth it.

Thanks for joining me on another character profile.  The characters in my next profile aren’t clearly defined as villains, but then again, nothing in 1951’s Alice in Wonderland is clearly defined.  Nevertheless, there is one antagonist that is a good head above all the others—and may want you to lose yours.


Thank you again for your time, and for your eyes.

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Blue Jeans Samurai #10

Once again, dear readers, I feel I must apologize to you all for my laziness.  A combination of real-world issues and procrastination has kept me from giving you a second August post, as I said I would.  With college and banking issues diverting my attention, it should still not be an excuse to deprive my readers of that which was promised to you.  I will do my best to push through this dry spell and continue providing quality writing.

I have been working on two new posts for the future, one being a new chapter of "Blue Jeans Samurai" (not the same as the chapter in this very post), and the other a new "Disney Villain Rater" article.  Hopefully, I'll have nothing to keep me from writing and posting them, and you'll all have the content you deserve.

Thank you all for reading!




Blue Jeans Samurai

#10 – Escape from the Archives! A Friend's Sacrifice!
アーカイブからの脱出!友人の犠牲!

For a moment, time seemed distended, weighty, almost suffocating.  Until now, Blue Jeans had not known loss since his own parents.  Now, with Cashmere lying dead on the floor, the severity of the situation was made frighteningly clear.  Before, he thought that, with this group of like-minded warriors, FIRENIGHT would fall easily.  Now, it was all a fantasy, and cold, murderous reality had struck them hard enough to draw blood.

Cashmere's blood.

The assassin, a tall, blonde man in a flawless black suit, dangled from a rope outside the window and smiled as he pointed his arm at the remaining group.  Poking out from beneath his sleeve was the barrel of a machine gun of some kind.  His grin widened as he spoke in a soft, lightly-pitched voice, “One.”

He then proceeded to fire his hidden weapon again, and Blue Jeans, Pleats and Twang raced for cover behind the desks.  The computer they used was torn to shreds by the bullet fire, and the precious DataPane, the vessel of their long-sought information, was torn apart along with it.

Blue Jeans' heart raced, but he kept as cool as he could, and reached for his sword.  When his hand clutched air, his heart raced even faster, and he cursed himself for forgetting that Velvet was holding onto it, along with all of their weapons.  They were trapped, unarmed, and whittled down to three.  And no one knew how much longer it would be before this new assassin finished them all.

“Damn it!” Pleats cursed as the bullets ceased for a moment.  “I just hope the others don't give away their positions coming for us.”  She then grabbed Blue Jeans by the front of his uniform.  “This was all your fault, you bastard! If you had left when I'd ordered, we wouldn't be in this mess, and Cashmere would still be alive! My sister and comrade is dead!! She's dead!! And it's all because of you!!

Blue Jeans couldn't respond, and for a moment, he believed it was because of their dire circumstances.  But he knew better.  Pleats was absolutely right.  He had let his desire, his obsession, take him over.  He had even lashed out at his friends, something he'd never consider doing any other time.  He didn't know what had come over him, but it was as irreversible as the death in their group resulting from it.

For a moment, the gunfire stopped, and the glass shattered on the other side of the room.  A few seconds later, a THUMP sounded off from that direction.  No one knew whether it was the assassin, or Pleats' ninja, or anyone else, and no one dared move to find out.  Footsteps drew close to them from the broken window, crushing shards of glass beneath them, and finally, there was movement.  Instead of gunfire, though, something long and thin flew in their direction.

It was Blue Jeans' sword.

Blue Jeans felt instinct fire up, and grabbed the sheath out of the air just as two more swords appeared in the same manner.  As Pleats grabbed them both, Velvet jumped behind the desks with them, handing Twang his bow and quiver.

“Velvet!” Pleats called, relieved.  “You're alive! Tell me, where are our sisters? Did they make it?”

Velvet suddenly looked crestfallen, crossed her wrists in front of her, swept the air with one arm, and made a hand sign with both hands, tenting her fingertips together and spacing them out.

Pleats matched her subordinate's crestfallen look.  “No . . .”  She supplied the translation for Blue Jeans and Twang, “Tented fingertips means something related to Taffeta. They . . . they took her . . . .”

Blue Jeans felt his heart evaporate, and on their far side, Twang's voice broke, “No . . . .”

Velvet looked around the area they remained in, and made another hand sign, the same tented fingertips signal, but with both middle fingers bent inward and the knuckles of them pressed together.

“I'm sorry, Velvet, but . . . .” Pleats tried to say, but couldn't.  Obviously, this hand sign asked about Cashmere, for Pleats then pointed up over the desk.  Velvet raised her head slightly over the desk, and must have seen Cashmere's body; she audibly gasped, the first true noise her voice ever made since Blue Jeans met her.  She slipped back behind the desk, her hands pressed to her mouth and her eyes wide and slowly building a mist.

“I know, sister, I know,” Pleats comforted Velvet with a hand to her shoulder, while flashing Blue Jeans a deadly look, “but we mustn't mourn now. We can still escape, but we have to work fast and stay together.”

BANG!

The door to the records room was broken in, and one by one, a platoon of fifty Pistol troops barged in, aiming their weapons in every direction and shouting orders: “You are trespassing on government property! This is a Sigma-Red offense! Come out slowly, unarmed, with your hands in the air, or we will open fire!”

The group froze, having no view from their hiding place except row upon row of armed stormtroopers, each aiming their weapons and preparing to keep their ultimatum.  The sound of cocking firearms filled the air, and the front row of Pistols dropped to one knee, keeping their aim on their targets.  As soon as one trigger was about to be pulled, a Pistol's gun started firing behind the group, and several Pistols farther up cried out in pain before dropping to the ground.

“NOW!” Blue Jeans called out, and he, Pleats, Velvet and Twang retaliated.  Twang remained in his place for cover, firing off a flurry of arrows that picked off more Pistols.  Velvet leaped across the room, parallel to Twang's position, and fired a series of kunai at the distracted and destabilized platoon.  The ones that didn't fall to gunfire, arrows, or knives were cut down by Blue Jeans' and Pleats' blades.

After a swift confrontation ending with the dead bodies of forty-nine Pistols, the last Pistol remaining tossed away her spent weapon and eyed Blue Jeans and Twang furiously.  “All right! Which one of you danglers screwed up this mission?!”

“We have no time to sling blame, Damask!” Pleats yelled back.  “We must find Hal and our other sisters before they are captured as well, or worse!”

“I did.”

Blue Jeans said it softly, almost absently, as if he wasn't really in control of his words.  The others turned to him with different reactions, but with the same general feeling of confusion.  “I ruined the mission,” he repeated in the same toneless voice, “it's my fault . . . Cashmere died because of me . . . .”

Damask's eyes widened.  “What?!” she bellowed.  “Cashmere is dead?! How can that—” she stopped, seeming to see the evidence on the floor of the room.  She saw her—Cashmere's corpse draining blood on the ground—and her rage was unbound.  She flew at Blue Jeans, pinning him to the wall behind him with one hand and pulling out a kunai with the other, pressing the point to his throat.  Blue Jeans had almost no strength left in him; finally admitting to this grave mistake had drained the will from him completely.

“FILTH!!” Damask screeched, almost piercing flesh with her blade.  “Degenerate slime! I knew we shouldn't have trusted you! I'll kill you for what you did to my sister! I'LL KILL YOU!!”  The knife pushed deeper against Blue Jeans' throat, but neither he in his guilty stupor, nor anyone in their sudden shock, stopped her from keeping her promise.

Except for Twang: “Let him go.”

His voice was a low growl, and his bow was drawn back all the way, the arrow in it pressed directly into the side of Damask's head.  Her kunai frozen where it was, Damask could do little more than turn her eyes toward Twang.  “You . . . .” she began, her fury almost muting her entirely, “. . . . you dare to point that at me—”

“Don't think I won't do it if you don't back off!” Twang roared, pulling the arrow back a little more.  “I said let him go, goddamn it! NOW!”

Damask continued to stare daggers at Twang, then switched her piercing glare back to Blue Jeans.  “You got her killed,” Damask growled, tightening her grip.  “First chance I get, I will end you.”  She then pulled him forward by his uniform and slammed him back against the wall, releasing him.  Blue Jeans could understand Damask's need to threaten him, but even in his degenerating mental state, he could see that Damask's threats were a front.  As she turned away, she brushed back a lock of her dirty blond hair—a cover for her thumb brushing away a loose tear from her eye.

Twang lessened the tension on his bow and slid the arrow back into his quiver.  “All right, BJ,” he said, turning to Blue Jeans as the latter leaned against the wall, “we gotta get our shit together, man. We got in, we can get out, but we gotta keep it together and focus. You in there, bro? BJ?!”

Blue Jeans wasn't listening.  He felt as if his failure was resounding so painfully throughout his mind that he could hear nothing, could react to nothing.

He snapped back to himself when he felt Twang's hand slap him across the face.  “HEY! Get a grip, motherfucker! You led us in, you lead us out! You got that?!”

Finally gathering his unbalanced thoughts, Blue Jeans shook his head vigorously and set his mind to work.  “All right,” he began, “we stick to the plan, for now. Once we're back together, we stay that way. We're down in numbers, but if we keep our remaining forces, we can still fight our way out. Velvet still needs to gather the others, but we need to be sure they haven't been captured.”

“Velvet,” Pleats ordered, “make your way to the second floor, warn Angora and Hal, and get them to the first floor as quickly as possible. We'll join you when we can.”

Velvet nodded, handed Damask a grappling hook, then hooked her own grapple line on the frame of the broken window.  She sailed out the window, staying attached to her grapple line, lowering herself down to the second floor.

Pleats turned to her infiltrator.  “Damask, you make your way down to the same floor in case Velvet can't get there in time. Mark the elevator that works, bring it up for us, and scale down the other side of the building. We need to move quickly, but we also need to keep watch over our own.”

Damask glared at Blue Jeans once she'd received her orders.  “Only our own,” she growled before heading out the door.

“All right,” Blue Jeans concluded, “let's move! There will be reinforcements arriving any second now!”  Sure enough, the rumble of footsteps sounded off outside the doorway, growing in volume as it bore the Pistols closer.

Pleats brought out another smoke bomb and threw it at the doorway, sending up another dark cloud as their cover.  Immediately, before the troops could walk in, there were sounds of coughing and agitated yelling.  The remaining warriors raced into the fray, Blue Jeans and Pleats swinging their blades and Twang launching arrows.  Out of the twenty-five Pistol troops that tried to make their way in, four-fifths of them were killed or incapacitated before they knew what was happening.  The remaining five saw Blue Jeans, Pleats and Twang escape around a corner, and raced after them down the corridor.  They turned the corner and saw an elevator door close (the door had a shuriken stuck in the metal surface), so they quickly made their way to another elevator.

It would be a good few minutes before they realized that the only working elevator had taken the escapees to the first floor.

*   *   *   *   *

Damask broke through the glass and landed on the second floor.  Having seen the Pistols casing the floor before breaking through, she marked their positions in her head and slipped out of their aim just before they could fire, and took off around a corner.  She saw more Pistols coming at her down the corridor, and fired a series of kunai at them before they could ready their guns.  The ones that didn't scream in pain and drop their guns instead dropped their lifeless bodies to the floor.

This wouldn't work for much longer, and Damask knew it.  She could hear the Pistols she evaded coming fast after her, their footsteps and the cocking of their weapons sounding closer by the second.  But suddenly, another sound filled the air: more sounds of screaming.  Damask turned back and saw that the Pistols had tripped over something that had caused them extreme pain.  Five of them were on the ground, flailing and struggling to get back up, and another three were bleeding heavily from their feet or legs.

A door against the wall close to them opened, and Angora and Halberd came through it, both looking nervous.  “I didn't think that would work!” Hal admitted in a shaky voice.  “What were those things called? Makibishi? Ingenious!”

“No celebrating until we're on that train,” Angora commanded as the Pistols attempted to climb over the collapsible ground spikes that she'd set to spring up in front of the troops.  “Damask is here, and—look, Velvet!”  At the other end of the corridor, Velvet had struck the glass and broken in, casting her grapple line down to the ground.

“Let's move!!” Damask commanded, and Angora and Hal followed her down the hall, turning into the next corridor just as the Pistols had assembled themselves and began firing.  Once inside, Velvet handed Hal the head of his enormous axe, and he quickly extended the telescopic metal handle to its full length, now battle-ready.

Velvet handed Angora her chain weapons, then started helping Hal's large frame out the window.  Just as Hal swung out on the line, more Pistols came down the corridor they had turned into, coming straight for them with their weapons aimed.  At the same time, the Pistols had moved the makibishi out of the hall from which they'd escaped, and were coming at them from the other way, as well.

“Damn,” Angora moaned, “there are too many! We won't escape quickly enough!”

“Come on!” Hal called out, now dangling two stories above the grass.  “You can make it! Jump and grab the line!”

“No, they'll catch us before we hit ground!” Angora yelled back.

“Can't you just use a smoke bomb?!”

“Not here! There's not enough room to move, and we don't have the element of surprise!”

“We have to do something!” shouted Damask.  “I won't let them capture more of us! I'd rather die than be their prisoner!”

“Don't be a fool, Damask!” Angora hissed back, “Being a prisoner means being alive, and that means being able to escape! We can't now, but we can if we plan first!”  Angora backed her position by laying her weapons down.  “We can plan in prison. Not in graves!”

Velvet glanced between Hal and the Pistols just as they arrived with the command to surrender.  “Please!” Hal yelled from outside as he attempted to climb back in and grab Velvet.  “Don't do this, please! We can get out together! All of us!”

Velvet stared longingly at Hal while Damask reluctantly set down her weapons, as well.  She seemed to know that only one of them was going to make it out.  What happened next before her forced surrender was quick and shocking to Hal—she stepped up to him and kissed him firmly on the lips, as if this would be the last and only opportunity for her to do it.

Seconds later, the rope began to snap, no longer able to support Hal's weight.  The thin rope broke, sending him plummeting to the ground below.  Hal could only watch helplessly as the sight of Velvet being roughly pulled away from the window grew smaller and smaller as he fell away from her.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

*   *   *   *   *

Twang prepped his arrows as soon as the elevator door opened, and once he, Blue Jeans and Pleats stepped out, Pleats' last smoke bomb was cast, covering their movements and once again allowing them to fight their way out.

Blue Jeans carved a path to the door by slicing into any Pistol he saw along his way.  He could easily slip into their blind spots while under the cover of the smoke, and before he reached the exit, six Pistols had been cut down by his steel.  Pleats was not nearly as selective; she killed any and every living thing that was unfortunate enough to find itself remotely close to her, putting down the same number of Pistols in half the time.  Twang moved in slowly behind them, spotting any movement that Blue Jeans and Pleats couldn't see and picking off more troops with his arrows.  Once he'd brought down three of them, he looked back and saw that he was running out of arrows, and warned his comrades, “Yo, man, I think we gon' have to speed this up!”

“Relax, Twang,” Blue Jeans replied, stepping up to the door and pulling out his security pass, “we're almost out!”  He scanned his card, but the security system emitted a harsh buzz, denying their exit.  Blue Jeans scanned the card again, but it yielded the same result.  “Damn it!!”

“Oh, get out of the way!!” Pleats ordered and pushed him away from the door, taking out her own security pass.  Blue Jeans was relieved when he remembered that Pleats' pass had a higher level of clearance, but when the door gave the denial warning a third time, his relief was extinguished.

“No!” Pleats pounded on the door.  “They've locked down the building!! We can't get out!!”

“Impossible! Angora would have disabled the security by n—” Blue Jeans stopped when the only explanation occurred to him: Angora had been taken, too.  That meant that finding Hal fell on Velvet and Damask's shoulders, but Angora had been with Hal—this could easily mean he had been taken, as well.

“Hey, we got company, y'all!” Twang alerted, taking two of the last of his arrows.  “And I don't think they're ours!”  He stepped off to the side of the elevator door, and Pleats rushed up to the other side as they both awaited the opening of the elevator.  Blue Jeans took cover behind the side desk, and when the elevator door opened, seven Pistols filed out.  When they were all out, Twang released his arrows and Pleats' steel flew, and seven bodies hit the floor.

“We can't keep this up forever!” Pleats bellowed.  “They'll reach us eventually! Even if we kill every Pistol in this building, they can still come in through the back entrance!”

Blue Jeans combed his mind for an answer, but the longer he thought, the more he realized that he and his remaining friends were doomed.  The blank hopelessness he'd felt earlier after Cashmere's death was beginning to settle back in, amplified by the feeling of panic, helplessness, and chaos.

CLAAANG!

Blue Jeans backed quickly away from the door as something heavy struck it hard from the other side.  When it struck again, a faint indentation appeared where the object struck.  The sound went off a third time, and the mark grew deeper when Blue Jeans realized it was in the shape of an axe.

The weapon slashed through the crevice in the door and pried it apart, creating space in the middle to pass.  From the other side, Hal's panic-stricken voice issued forth, “Go! Go! Go!”

Blue Jeans whistled to his cohorts just as the elevator went back up, at the same time clearance was granted for the back entrance to the building.  Shots rang out, and Blue Jeans stayed low as he slipped through the door.  Seconds after he came out into the open, Pleats slipped out behind him, and Twang came out last.  Hal pulled his axe from the door, closing it the rest of the way, and the four were reunited.

“Where are they?!” Pleats yelled at Hal, grabbing him by his broad shoulders, “Where are my sisters?! They were supposed to come back with you!”

“I . . . .” Hal struggled to explain, “I couldn't . . . I tried . . . Miss Velvet . . . they took her . . . .”

Pleats released Hal and backed away, stunned.  Twang wore a pained look and hung his head.  Blue Jeans tried to glean some hope, “But . . . Damask and Angora? Surely, they . . .” he trailed off when he saw Hal shake his head.  It was true, and the truth was worse than anticipated; not only had Angora been taken, as was wordlessly speculated mere moments ago, but Damask was now a prisoner, as well.  This left the four of them, and with Cashmere dead, the only remaining ninja yet to be captured was Pleats.

Pleats’ fists shook at her sides, her fingers digging furiously into her own skin.  “You . . . damn you to Hell, you worthless . . . .” she could say no more, her teeth grinding together and her eyes watering, and her rage built up to a scream as she dropped to her knees.  She punched the grass hard with a grunt, a combined noise of pain and anger, and she shuddered while trying to hold back her tears.

“Damn, I think that mighta given us away,” Twang noted.  “I say we get the hell up outta here while we can!”

“Twang is right,” Blue Jeans agreed, “we have about ten minutes before the train passes Ship Argo. If we catch it, we can escape, and we'll be able to make plans to save our own.”

Pleats slowly stood up, her eyes still glistening with tears, and turned up to Hal.  “Make no mistake,” she growled, “you will pay for this.”  She then rounded onto Blue Jeans, “You, too. But not—” she stopped when she saw movement above their heads, and shouted, “MOVE, NOW!”

RAT-A-TAT-A-TAT-A-TAT!!  The same gunfire that killed Cashmere sounded off, and Blue Jeans, Pleats, Twang and Hal scattered, avoiding the bullets in the nick of time.  They all looked up to see the smartly-dressed assassin rappelling down the side of the building, aiming his sleeve machine guns at them and smiling.  Once he was only a few feet from the ground, he pushed off from the side of the building and dropped down, landing a perfect roll across the grass.  He eyed his targets with a deadly gleam in his eyes and swept the area with his bullets.

No longer able to run for any cover on the open grounds, Blue Jeans, Twang, Pleats and Hal continued to spread out thin, heading for the perimeter wall.  In an effort to stall him, Pleats threw a set of shuriken at their attacker.  Without the searchlights on, it was a bit more difficult to aim, but aim or not, the sounds of the projectiles clinking off the sides of the hitman's gun barrels signaled failure.  Twang was next to try to stall him, and took up one arrow to fire.  It flew through the dark, but was responded to by another volley of bullets.  Twang rolled away before it started, and when it stopped, he could see splintered pieces of wood fall into the grass, shredded right out of the air before the arrow could land.

“Don't even try it, DDZ slime,” the assassin spoke in his light voice.  “Best to just die right now. Save yourselves the trouble.”  He aimed his sleeve guns at Hal, the easiest target to see, and prepared to fire . . .

CLANG!

He quickly raised one barrel to block Blue Jeans' sword as it came down to almost slice his shoulder.  “No one else will die, tonight!” he vowed, “And you will pay for murdering Cashmere!!”

Despite the proximity of his opponent, the assassin grinned maliciously.  “Now, how will you do that without killing me?” he asked smugly.  He quickly swung the other barrel at Blue Jeans' head, and he ducked, allowing the assassin to kick Blue Jeans away and put distance between them.  “Not that a wretch like you has a chance to do so,” he continued his distasteful smugness, “not without a gun, of course.”

Blue Jeans studied his opponent, sword at the ready and prepared to evade the hitman's bullets when they fired.  “I don't need a gun to avenge my friends,” he retorted.

“If you hope to be worth anything, you do. And yet here you are, swinging a sword like the mindless caveman you are. Pathetic.”

“Dude, let's go!!” Twang yelled across the grass; he, Pleats and Hal had reached the perimeter wall, and Pleats was readying a grappling hook to scale it.

“Go!” Blue Jeans yelled back.   “I'll draw him back! Get out of here, now!”

“Idiot!” Pleats shrieked.  “Don't think being a hero now excuses you from what you've done!”

“I SAID GO!!”

The assassin's hands flew, and Blue Jeans ducked the string of bullets, closing the distance on him before the volley could hit him.  The assassin guarded with his gun's barrels again, blocking the sword with one and swinging at Blue Jeans with the other.  Blue Jeans ducked again, and was able to predict the same tactic from before; he blocked the hitman's kick with one arm, pushed his foot away, and swung his blade hard.  The assassin blocked again, but this time, the barrel was pointed at Blue Jeans' head, and the swordsman had to sidestep the following blast of rounds.  He turned this sidestep into a spinning horizontal slash, which the assassin caught between his crossed sleeve barrels.  Then, before Blue Jeans could guard, the assassin brought his foot up into a horizontal kick, swatting away Blue Jeans' sword.  He took advantage of the moment of shock—Blue Jeans hadn't been disarmed since he was an inexperienced child—to carry his momentum into a powerful roundhouse kick that sent Blue Jeans flying backwards into the side of the building.

Snapping out of his shock too late, Blue Jeans made to retrieve his blade, but the assassin rushed at him and pressed his arm into the swordsman's neck, pinning him to the building.  “Defeated,” he whispered, his smug grin showing the slightest hint of boredom.  “Honestly, I don't know what Hiltov sees in you. You're not half as dangerous as the rest of the DDZ trash.”  He raised his free arm, aiming its sleeve gun directly between Blue Jeans' eyes, “All the more reason for you to die.”  He slowly bent his hand back, readying to fire . . .

And he shifted to one side.

From their left, an arrow had sailed between the heads of the battlers, struck through the assassin's sleeve just as it moved to where his head had been, pinning it, arm and all, to the side of the building.  Finally gathering himself, Blue Jeans took advantage of the distraction, grabbed the arm that pressed against him, and pulled himself out from under it.  He slipped behind his foe, pressing that arm against his back, and pushed his body against the steel structure.

“I got four left!” Twang bellowed from a distance, having come in closer to fire.  “And you ain't gettin' another one! Now MOVE YOUR ASS!!”

Blue Jeans nodded, released the assassin, and rushed away, quickly collecting his sword as he ran for the wall.  As he ran, he heard the assassin call out, “Change of plans! Converge and obstruct! Now! Converge and obstru—” his words were cut off when he shifted again, and Blue Jeans turned to see another arrow pinning his other sleeve to the building instead of hitting a vital spot of his body.

Twang groaned as Blue Jeans caught up with him.  “I guess you do get another one,” he grumbled.  “Make that three left.”  They both heard shouts and footsteps approaching, and began to panic.  “Damn!” Twang cursed.  “He was callin' the shots the whole time! He's gettin' the rest of the Pistols on us!”

Blue Jeans was confused at this; if the assassin had command over the Pistols, then why try to kill them himself?  Due to his attire, he couldn't be a Pistol, but his presence and motives made him a government official of some kind.  Was he hired to kill them, and only decided to alert the Pistols as a last resort?  It would explain why there had been no action from them up until that point, but was this hitman powerful enough to keep them at bay for this long?  And why make them stand down in the first place?  It was all Blue Jeans could consider, and he counted himself lucky to be so lucid in his position.

“Thank you, my friend,” Blue Jeans spoke up, re-sheathing his sword and his thoughts, “you've saved me once again. Even now that I owe you so much already—”

“Later, man!” Twang advised.  “We ain't got time to kill him, so just keep movin'!”  The Pistols now spotted the escapees and opened fire, but the grounds were still dark without the searchlights, and the foursome were able to evade the bullet fire.  Pleats had already scaled the line she'd cast, and was on top of the wall using the last of her own projectiles to thin the horde, while Blue Jeans and Twang reached the wall and climbed the line in little time.  By the time Blue Jeans and Twang had reached the top of the ten-foot wall, Hal was running full speed at the wall; once at a full run, he took a flying leap at it, extended his axe, and jammed it deep into the surface.  He was halfway from the top just from doing this.

“Faster, oaf!” Pleats urged, “They're still on us!”

Blue Jeans and Twang reached down to grab Hal's hand; as they took it, Hal used his free hand to wrench his axe from the wall.  “Move!” he yelled, and they did so immediately.  Just before falling, Hal swung his axe into the wall again, hooking it over the edge and able to pull himself up to the top of the wall.

A split-second after this, he cried out and grabbed his arm—evidence that shots were still ringing out at them in the darkness.

“No!” Blue Jeans yelled, prepared to take up his sword again.  “Hal! Are you all right?”

Hal collapsed the handle of his axe and put it away.  “I'm fine,” he gave a pained reply.  “We have to move, now!”  And all four of them descended the wall, outside the grounds, just in time to dodge another wave of machine gun fire.

*   *   *   *   *

It didn't take the group long to reach the rendezvous point—the repulsor train line thirty feet above the city—and the search was on for the train.  It was almost oh-two-hundred-thirty hours, and the train was due to pass any second now.  The rendezvous point was located close to a northern border to the Wokegan DDZ (the group could see a sign beyond the border fence saying “Spatula Street”), and as such, the area was largely deserted.  Much of it was only empty streets and abandoned buildings, but it was far better cover than what they were given at the archives building.

“Where is it?!” Pleats shrieked, looking up and down at the track overhead.  “We depended on this train for our escape!”  She then glanced at Blue Jeans and scowled.  “More reliance wasted!”

“Pleats, please,” Blue Jeans approached her, placing his hands on her shoulders.  “We're still not far enough away to discuss this. You have every right to be angry with me, but—”

“Angry? Angry!?! Your plan got us in there! Your refusal to cooperate got Cashmere killed! And your botched escape got my sisters captured! 'Angry' is a laughably unworthy word!!”

“Don't you think I know that?” Blue Jeans desperately argued.  “Cashmere's death will forever haunt me! You have to know that! I made a mistake, and I wish with all my heart that I could take it back—”

“THAT'S NOT ENOUGH!!” Pleats' fury was unbound, and she once again grabbed Blue Jeans by the front of his uniform, “YOU THINK FEELING BAD IS ENOUGH RECOMPENSE FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE!?! I WILL NEVER SEE MY SISTERS AGAIN BECAUSE OF YOU!! YOU WILL NEVER HAVE FORGIVENESS FOR THIS!! DO YOU HEAR ME?! NEVER!!

“Please!!” Hal begged as he pulled them apart and stepped between them.  “No more fighting. Look, the train is coming right now.”  He pointed at the far end of the track above, and surely enough, the repulsor line zoomed down the length of track towards them, its front light powering through the darkness from over a dozen miles away.  “We can get them back,” Hal continued, his voice shaky.  “I know if we work together, we can find our friends and save them. But we can't fight amongst ourselves, or they'll be lost forever.”

Pleats stared daggers at Hal as she snapped back, “They already are, you lumbering fool. Your sad sentiment for my sister Velvet is as useless as you are.”

“Wait a minute!” Blue Jeans confronted her.  “You cannot expect to harass Halberd just to make yourself feel better—” he cut himself off when Pleats pulled her sword and aimed the tip at Blue Jeans' throat.  The look in her eyes matched her earlier words—'anger' was just not enough.

Blue Jeans eyed the sword, shocked that Pleats would stoop to this low, but still continued, “That sword doesn't make Hal wrong. And it doesn't make you right.”

“But it does make us dead!” Twang alerted, “if we don't find some cover!”  The others looked around, and approaching from all sides was the whine of sirens, the roaring of engines, and the stomping of running boots on pavement.  The Pistols were still coming.

Blue Jeans strained to hear the sounds, and found that they were coming from any and all roads leading back into the city.  “It's too late,” he answered, “they must have heard us.”  He looked around the street they were on, and saw that a nearby building sat close to the track.  “We need to get closer to the train! This way!”

He led the group to the building, and they followed him in.  They trudged up two flights of stairs, one of which was behind a door that Hal easily broke down with his sheer girth.  Soon, Hal repeated this action on the door straight to the roof, and he, Blue Jeans, Twang and Pleats were on top of the building and looking down on the single bar of metal that served as the repulsor train's track.

The train rushed ever closer, Twang readied their grapple line, and they all prepared their breathing masks, when they all started hearing a new sound.  The first thought was that it was the train, but repulsor lines made far less sound than that.  It grew in volume, and the group looked around for the source, only seeing it just as a searchlight struck them all.

“YOU ARE IN VIOLATION OF FIRENIGHT LAW!!” boomed a voice from the direction of the light and sound.  “PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPONS AND SURRENDER IMMEDIATELY, OR WE WILL OPEN FIRE!!”  Both voice and light came from a massive Pistol-sanctioned helicopter, hanging from the door of which was a high-ranked officer with a megaphone.  Behind him was a crew of more Pistols, weapons drawn and ready to follow through with their threats.

No words were spoken amongst the valiant group.  The unspoken truth seemed to be on all their minds already.  Their every trick was expended.  They had no remaining plans.  The Pistols on the streets were gathering around the building below and rushing inside to corner them on the roof.  It was over, and they all knew it.

Except for Twang.

With the train only a few yards away, Twang unmasked himself and sent his grapple arrow flying, and it struck the side of the vehicle just before the lead car reached them.  “Now, I don't want nobody screamin' at me,” he said firmly.  “Don't nobody try to stop me or talk me out of it. Y'all need to get out more than I do.”

“What?!” Blue Jeans tried to argue.  “But surely you—”

“What did I say?! Don't try it, man, and don't you even try to go all deep on me. You need to save Taffeta and the girls. You need to avenge your mama and daddy. So you need to live. You feel me?”  Not waiting for an answer, Twang pulled one more arrow, one that looked far different than the others; it seemed to have a small, thin canister of some kind attached to it, “I been savin' this little baby.”

“But what about you?!” Blue Jeans kept arguing.  “You're one of us! You have to—”

“Shut up, man! You already got to play hero tonight! Now it's my turn!”

Twang loaded up his bow and fired the special arrow up at the helicopter.  At the same time, Pleats and Hal grabbed the line, with Hal seizing a stunned Blue Jeans just as the line's anchor point passed them.  Twang raced away, and the others were pulled off of the building by the racing train.  The Pistols aboard the chopper began to fire, but missed, and for more than one reason; the arrow they'd received from Twang began shooting sparks from one end of the attached canister.  The same end also spewed smoke, and it filled the cockpit almost immediately.

“No!” Blue Jeans struggled against Hal's grip, not caring that he now dangled thirty feet above the streets of Ship Argo, “Twang, you can't do this! Twang! Please, come with us, before it's too late! Twang!!”

The chopper above started bucking and waving in midair.  Control over the massive vehicle had been lost, and it swiveled close to the top of the building, prepared to destroy the whole thing.

“Twang!! Get out of there! Twang! TWANG!!”

Too late.  The helicopter finally gave out and crashed into the top of the building, creating an ear-shattering explosion and making the entire structure crumble.  The Pistols in the street backed away in terror as the propellers' blades raked into the stone and brick, sending dangerous shards of it all up and down the empty street.  The building sunk, floor-by-floor, to the ground, sending up clouds of dust and hunks of debris, and bringing the wrecked, fiery helicopter—and the courageous archer—with it.


“TWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG!!!!”



--------------------------------------------------------* * * * *--------------------------------------------------------

"Their first defeat . . . .

Their formidable force cut down to a mere three, Blue Jeans and company must recuperate, both mentally and physically, from the losses they suffered in Ship Argo.  Hiding out in a small DDZ in the Second Sector, the trio suffer from dissent in the ranks almost immediately; Blue Jeans is wracked with guilt over their failed mission, Hal longs to be reunited with his friends, and Pleats' wrath hides an insecure feeling she has thus far shown no one.  And all the while, they are unaware of their deadly new enemy waiting to strike again . . . .

NEXT TIME!  Blue Jeans Samurai #11:
Revenge Battle! BJ vs. Cuff Link!

リベンジバトル! カフリンク対BJ!

Don't miss it!"



Sunday, August 9, 2015

Poetry Day: My Muse

Greetings, readers!  Yes, I realize that last month saw no blog post from me, and for that, I apologize.  In fact, things may just get a bit slower from here on out; I've been preparing to go back to college, and that's put a hold on some of my writing.  And actually going back may make it worse.

But I assure you that I will power through it all and find a way to post more content on a semi-regular basis.  And this month, I'll try to get one more blog post up to make up for last month (but seeing as how I start on the 24th, it may prove difficult).

This month, I'll keep things simple and resurrect Poetry Day.  For today, I've decided to post a piece of free verse mixed with alliteration to make a charming structure that I think you might enjoy--with a message that rather fits my writing situation, lately.  I know it's not much, but hopefully, I'll have something more substantial posted before school starts.  Thanks again for your patience, and as always, thank you for your time, and for your eyes.










MY MUSE
My Muse
My merry and melodic messenger of music and motion
Is missing
My Muse made magic in my mind
Much magnanimous magnificence materialized
Missing her mesmerizes me with mystery
Mystic machinations make way for malicious madness
Only my Muse can mollify my mournful melancholy
And mend this maddening maelstrom of misery
With her mellow and mellifluous melody
Maybe my mistrustful melodrama
Made her moderate-minded merriment maligned and menaced?
Or is it my Muse’s mendacious malediction
That melts my mirthful mental milieu?
My missing muse is no mere metaphor
I miss her so much, maybe forevermore
With all my might, I may make amends
And move these morose misgivings from memory
So my Muse can mold her magic melody once more


Saturday, June 20, 2015

Disney Villain Rater – The Headless Horseman

Disney Villain Rater – The Headless Horseman


Hello again, readers! Once again, I bring you another look at the Disney Universe's most wanted, courtesy of the Disney Villain Rater! In the previous Villain Rater article, I stated that the next movie from which I would take a character to profile is The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad (1949). This movie is really two different halves of one whole; the first segment is the classic fantasy based on the Kenneth Grahame novel, The Wind in the Willows, in which Rat and Mole try to curb the irresponsible tendencies of J. Thaddeus Toad. The villains in that half of the movie are nothing to write home about—a bunch of weasels who trick Toad out of his property and send him to prison. Impressive to a degree, but not nearly the caliber of Snow White's stepmother.

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, the second half, however, that's a different story.

Once again, the following will be placed on a scale of one to ten:

DESIGN – How the character looks and moves, body language, clothing, etc.

PERSONALITY – How the character thinks, acts, speaks, etc.

GOALS – What that character wants to have or do, and the intentions behind their goals.

AMBITION – How much the character wants, how far/low he/she is willing to go.

ABILITIES – What the character can do (magic, intellect, special skills, etc.).

HENCHMEN – Who works for him/her, their effectiveness and character significance.

DEFEAT – How the villain's quest ends (death, prison, reformation, etc.).

VOICE – The voice actor's vocal performance and celeb status.

As I also mentioned in the previous installment, I have been looking forward to writing this article, because the centerpiece of this profile is one of my all-time favorite villains, not just in Disney lore, but in literature, as well. He is the malicious specter told about in Washington Irving's legendary post-Revolution story upon which the film is based. He is a relentless murderer who will not rest until he has claimed the main protagonist's head as his own. He is a legend stretching back to the very foundations of American history. Without further ado, I present my profile of the segment's titular character, the Headless Horseman.

THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN (The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad)

DESIGN –
Right off the bat, the Horseman shines in his design alone.  A sweeping black cape, leather gloves and boots, a lethally-sharpened sword, a flaming jack-o-lantern, and a ferocious black bronco are just the decorations on the main attraction—a headless man.  Let me repeat that . . . a headless man.  Not only would he be a dangerous, psychopathic killer with a head, but without it, he can see you, track you, find you, and decapitate you with ease.  Such is the power of the supernatural.  He rides like a bolt of lightning, he swings his blade with demented enthusiasm, and his imposing figure is more than enough to make viewers look over their shoulders long after the film is over.

DESIGN: 9


PERSONALITY –
If there is anything lacking in the potency of the Hessian's malice, it's his vague personality.  He never speaks, or even makes his character solid at all.  He merely laughs, rides after his quarry, and swings his sword.  However, the suspension of belief activates instantly when he releases that laugh—an evil cackle that chills one to the bone and freezes the blood in its veins.  Whatever this violent phantom is really like, we can easily assume that he enjoys his activities greatly.  That laugh makes me shiver every time.

PERSONALITY: 6


GOALS –
The Hessian is a ghoulish man, but a simple one—all he wants is to kill Ichabod Crane.  While this is not particularly impressive or complex, it is a very chilling goal.  The Queen in Snow White had a similar goal, but whereas the purpose of her intended murder is to win a popularity contest in her own mind, the Horseman's quest of blood run much deeper than something so petty.  According to legend, the Hessian rides through the night, seeking to behead all those he seeks until his own head is recovered (unlikely—also according to legend, the soldier's own head was destroyed by an oncoming cannonball).  This desire is far weightier than just simple jealousy.  This is vengeance.

GOALS: 7


AMBITION –
Another area in which the Horseman is less equipped, we're not entirely sure how far he is willing to go to do what he wants—at least, from his lack of coherent dialogue.  But we must remember, this is a ghost—which is to say, a once-living man.  His ambition can thus be judged by his willingness to return from the grave to enact his revenge on the living.  Defying all laws of biology and nature, the Horseman is relentless and ever-persistent in his hunt for Crane's head, so much so that his one weakness, his inability to cross a certain bridge, doesn't stop him—he will kill from all the way across said bridge if he has to.  For someone who is supposedly incapable of crossing this bridge, he doesn't let this inhibition stop him.

AMBITION: 8


ABILITIES –
From what we see in the film, the Headless Horseman is a skilled equestrian and swordsman, each only strengthening his speed, efficiency and malevolence.  Aside from this, and his ability to override the barriers of his own black magic, we also know that he was able to hit Ichabod with a pumpkin from across a bridge.  If nothing else, he has perfect aim.

ABILITIES: 8


HENCHMEN –
Unless his black horse counts, the Hessian has no henchman to speak of.  However, if his swift and deadly steed is included, the Horseman succeeds here where the Queen, Stromboli and the Coachman failed.  The black stallion he rides is fast, powerful, and capable of catching up to Ichabod at any time the schoolmaster believes he's lost the demon rider.  Another impressive assessment, and one that most deserves the Horseman's moniker in the original story, “the Galloping Hessian”.

HENCHMEN: 8


DEFEAT –
Similarly to the Coachman in the previous article, this portion of the profile will score a bit differently.  In fact, a lot differently.  Unlike any other villain in Disney continuity, the Headless Horseman actually succeeds in the endeavors we see him strive for.  In the short time we see him on screen, he has one goal—the murder of Ichabod Crane—and at the very least, it is heavily implied that he accomplishes this goal, almost effortlessly.  Disney has created some of the worst villains that animation has to offer, from Jafar to Ursula, from Scar to Mother Gothel, from Maleficent to Dr. Facilier, but none come even remotely close to the Hessian's level of success.  Until Ichabod Crane is found alive (no rumors), the high score is given in this category for the one thing that sets the Horseman apart from every other Disney villain.  He wins.

DEFEAT: 10


VOICE –
Despite my best efforts in my research, the voice behind the Headless Horseman still eludes me.  I have to assume the narrator of the segment, legendary crooner Bing Crosby, also supplied the voice of the Hessian along with the rest of the main (male) cast.  But even then, it's hard for me to believe that such a recognizable voice could portray a character in such a sinister, malevolent, and spine-tingling manner.  As I mentioned before, that laugh is one of the wickedest details about the Horseman, perhaps surpassing even his status as a phantasm, his dexterity with a blade, and the fact that he is without a cranium.  The insane enthusiasm he has for his undertakings, his wild, psychotic movements, his imposing figure, all of it can be traced back to that single, cold, horrifying sound echoing from his throat (or lack of one).  So far, where villainous laughter is concerned, the Galloping Hessian blows them all away.


VOICE: 9


As The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad saw no return for the Horseman, there will be no extra points for his score. As such, we move on straight to the final tally:

COMBINED SCORE: 65

FINAL SCORE: 8.125


To compare, the Evil Queen ended up with a total score of 56 and an average of 7, while the highest-scoring villain from the Pinocchio article, the Coachman, received a total of 55 and an average of just under 7. It is clear from this assessment that the Hessian beats them both quite soundly, for the short time he's allowed on screen. His only real glaring insufficiency is in his personality; with only two or three minutes of screen time, his character is not fleshed out in the slightest. However, the Hessian accomplished in three minutes what Honest John, Stromboli and the Coachman couldn't do it one act each (two for the fox) and what the Queen failed to do in an entire movie. With a frightening presence, lethal efficiency, a single sidekick that every villain dreams of, and murderous desires and actions that he easily accomplishes before the end of the film, I'm sure Washington Irving himself would be proud to see the Headless Horseman take his rightful place as one of the greatest Disney villains of all time.

Thanks again for joining me on another character profile, one that I didn't think I'd finish nearly as quickly as I did. As I said, this was a profile I was really happy to write, on a villain I was very happy to write about. I very much hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

On the next Disney Villain Rater article, we'll return to more classic, iconic Disney by profiling the wicked stepmother herself, Lady Tremaine, from 1950's Cinderella. I hope you'll return to read. Until then, watch your heads.


Thank you again for your time, and for your eyes.